Having common ground means It’s ok that we think differently, that we have competing commitments but what’s important is that we believe the same. There can be no difference between what we believe and what we value.”
Then the day came, her wedding day and she was so excited at twenty three she thought she knew everything, in love and marrying the man of her dreams well at least in 1993 he was (smile).
As she walked down the aisle while her gaze was on her fiancee she caught a glimpse of her parents on opposite sides of the aisle. She thought wow the last time her parents were in the same room together she was six years old.
You see her parents had 10 children but her father’s alcoholism had caused a rift in their family. Although they never divorced they decided to live apart so much so that her mom lived in Nassau and her dad Eleuthera
Yes their relationship was that toxic.
Now there they were in the same place just for her. They both had to put their past pain, anger, hurt and disappointment aside to celebrate her on her special day.
She was so consumed with wedding plans that it didn’t dawn on her at how uncomfortable this must be for her parents.
They made the choice to meet on common ground to enjoy the wedding of their sixth child. She could only imagine how difficult that must have been for them as they try to suppress their feelings.
After the I Dos she hugged her parents with the kind of hug that let each of them know that she knew what it took for them to be there for her
Yes my parents’ lives took them in separate directions but on August 21st, 1993 they both believed the same thing that they were both my parents and they both needed to be in place to show that they supported my decision to get married.
They both value me by loving me above their hurt and pain and met at a place of common ground where Celebration and healing could begin.
Some of the best expressions of common ground I have heard came from Jim Wallis, Anne Frank and Tony Robbins:
“We all live with the objective of being happy; our lives are all different and yet the same.” “Touch the earth, speak of love, walk on common ground.” “Our similarities bring us to a common ground; our differences allow us to be fascinated by each other.” “We can find common ground only by moving to higher ground.
So what does finding common ground looks like well, am glad you ask, John Maxwell says “We find common ground when we make eight choices:
- Availability – I will choose to spend time with others
- Listening – I will listen my way to Common ground
- Questions – I will be interested enough in others to ask questions
- Thoughtfulness I will think OF others and look for ways to help them
- Openness – I will let people into my life
- Likability – I will care about people
- Humility -I will think of myself less so I can think of others more
- Adaptability – I will move from my world into theirs
Common Ground isn’t easy at all to acquire but no relationship be it your family, your friends or your team can accomplish anything without it.